freedom from myself is the sweetest rest i can ever know this side of heaven.

thank you lord for mercy
you showered it upon me today
thank you for the mystery
i need not find my own way
i praise you lord, for love
so freely bestowed to me
unleash me like a dove
i hold to this world loosely

investing my time this weekend into my family has been just what I needed.
too much of my time has been spent being consumed with tomorrow. It's good to see the way riley looks at life. life is one big playhouse for him. so free to laugh -- even after being disciplined.
this present moment is what i am living in. choosing the simple presence of Christ is the best thing i can do this sat.

great fall day.brisk.sunny.football.family.

it's a simple-God-filled-family day

My conversations with lost people lately have lacked confrontation. It's a simple balance between two polarities really that Henri Nouwen clearly articulates in his book "Reaching Out"
Acceptance and Hospitality without confrontation is rather pointless. I am feeling a bit like the one-world viewed liberal who seeks only to engage relationship for the common good of both parties.
I guess it's because my who life I have seen evangelism in the context of confrontation only. the post-modern context of evangelism is different, however. I cannot expect the mass harvest our friend @ campus crusade did in the past decades with a publication like the "four spiritual laws"
I live in a different world. A relationship must be built. Space must be made in my heart for these individuals. Evangelism is no longer a spiritual "quickie" with a stranger. Sounds like a fantasy to me. It's gonna take hard work and lots of time to see peoples spirits open up the the liberating Jesus.

i must find the balance between hospitality and confrontation. Lord show me.

I rejoice in victory. victory shows god's faithfulness in my life - nothing done on my own.
apart from you i can do nothing.

...i need God...

so simple

wild news from columbus!!!

a parishoner of the church stopped by the office today and gave eddie a check for 10,000 for the new wineskin!!!! wow. so confirming! overwhelming. thank you Lord for another confirmation. I obey, you take care of the rest. praise God!

struggling lately with the whole college & career scene.
It would be one thing if i were sticking around, but i'm not.
i hate the pressure i am feeling to "make something happen" -
it tires me out.

The new Vineyard project "mystery" has been a beautiful tool these days to draw my attention to the mystery of God in me! Wow ... God alive in my members. this is why i enjoy the eucharist so much - so mysterious. i am comfortable with that. My conteplative friends are never found shying away form mystery: Susan Annette Muto writes "Listening means being released from willfulness, arogance,and self-assertibeness. It calls for respectful presence to the mystery we are meditating, for humble openness to its meaning. She continues... "then we may be able to think clearly or meditate; it becomes possible to reflect on our lives as a whole or on a text we are reading."

-the return of meditation

Jim Elliot's Journal:
"I walked out on to the hill just now. It is exalting, delicious to stand embraced by the shadows of a friendly tree with the wind tugging at your coattail and the heavens hailing your heart. To gaze and glory and give one's self again to God -- what more could a man ask? Oh, the fullness, pleasure, sheer excitement of knowing God on earth! I care not if I never raise my voice again for Him, If only I may love Him, please Him...if only I may see Him, touch His garments, and smile into His eyes."

sang @ an eccumenical 9/11 service

episcopal minister, patricia.
- not afraid to admit that she is on a journey and doesn't have it all figure out

rev. margo conner, church of christ

rev.mary wood, federated

bob verstigue, retired united methodist minister. renouned author and actor.- read a beautiful piece of poetry tonight
- should have spent much more time with this thinking christian in my days in bg.

my friend ed the catholic preist. (read scripture from the bottom of his heart with a evident deep understanding of the text)
- a man of true simplicity - and deep understanding in life - i think his hero is thomas merton - "i stand with you"

wild hair-ed presbyterian minister, david young - delivered a homily that rocked my world
- challenged me to make a difference. need to call him for manuscript!

My partner in crime, pastor scott. has grown so much since i came. he is a different person. he was actually into the book of poetry before the service. yes- the boy from WV. reading poetry and meditating on its truths

i love unity. changed hearts. calls to love, peace, justice, mercy, righteousness.
i must be willing to make a difference.

back to the grind. have a unique meeting tonight. i will be sharing my plans/goals/dreams for ministry before i leave in dec. also shep naz's bd. mtg will be held and i will be an ACTION ITEM. so as i try to leave something with bg the path will take shape in columbus. and this will all happen @ 7:30 Eastern 9/10/02. pretty defining moment in my life.

not getting enough meditation time in. so important. being here @ kenyon brings back the memories. memoirs of centering my days around the presence of jesus christ. too much of what i think on lately is poor and poverse. lacking in depth and wisdom. this is a direct result of my lack of tuning into the cosmic conversation going on all around me. wow that just came out of nowhere. cosmic conversation. love that. talk about thinking theologically and speaking secularly. that is it. remember that one.

@ the reddoor cafe tonite! why didn't i spend more time here when I was in college. sang at the university celebration. russ kicked our butts to make the quartet sound good. we did alright. life has been quite chaotic lately. trying to find the simplicity on the other side of complexity. i don't know if this recent lifestyle has chosen me or i it. this java is very good. funny stuff on the wall here.

"You know you drink too much coffee when...
1.juan valdez names his ass after you
2.new xtreme sport: uphill skiing
3.you speed walk in your sleep
4.your employee of the mo. at the local java house & you don't even work there
5.your eyes stay open even when you sneeze
6.you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug
7.you wore the handle off of your favorite coffee mug
8.you don't tan, you roast
9.you don't sweat, you percolate

there's like 40 of these side splitting one liners. i was lame enough to stand there in the reddoor and write every one of em down. i found it all quite funny. might be able to use this later when i own my own coffee shop. that is a dream that i finaly admited to myself. i always wanted to be as cool as george loper @ cosmo's in bg. i love that guy. george is my supplyer of the oily bean. oily bean good.

i am so low on sleep , energy, passion, ambition, etc. etc. yet it isn't even a mentally ill day.

saw eddie today. we shared where we were at in the process of defining something out of nothing. i love how simple it was. "are you still hot on this idea?"

I was really getting excited when kerri told me that starbucks has benie's for employees.

wOw. heart surgery this morning. somewhere between really good guy jn. 3 and a really nasty whore jn 4... i find myself in the "i need God" zone. we are all somewhere between jn 3 & 4. lately i feel a lot more like a whore who has been used by the pimp (or some refer to him as the dude with a fork and horns) while I allow myself to be exploited in his sick game. i broke free this morning. i claimed my identity as a saint and was fully awakened to reality. I found freedom. liberty, rest, peace, feels good. it's mysterious ... the God of holiness welcomes a soul like me!

Jesus did not pat N. on the back for being good in jn 3. He would never point the boney finger of religion at the woman in Jn. 4.
Jesus got real with the woman at the well... "if you had any idea who i was and what i could offer you, you would be asking me for something real... living water... a well that never dries... water that satisfies your every need."

e. do you realize who I am. do you realize who you are in me. if you did, you would never go looking elsewhere. If you truly believed what you say you believe... you life would line up with it. Your actions have shown me what you believe.

I believe lord, help my unbelief.

According to Eddie Gibbs, author of ChurchNext, to engage people who are earnestly seeking alternative explanations of the world of experience, we must be willing to "accept those who are content to live with ambiguity [and humbly] communicate in open dialogue with those who hold a pluralistic worldview." pp. 28
my dialogue with massoud yesterday covered these two issues. Unfortunatly I did most of the talking. i regret that. i monopolized the conversation.Gibbs goes on

"The confidence of the witness must be in Christ alone and not in religious institutions or in the impregnability of a Christian apologetic."

My confidence was in the latter. sorry massoud, sorry Lord Christ

I cannot wait to meet again so i can apply this new truth in the missiological challenge of postmodernity.

met with massoud today. he is my iranian friend. this is wild : massoud flew to bgsu on sept. 6th 2001!
we discussed the inner life, my future plans,and his newfound love. Also chatted a bit about parental expectations, religious expectations from our previous generations.

in many ways massoud is rewriting the rules of religion. we talked about how Nicodemus did that in the Bible. he moved from what was expected to what was fulfilling. from religion to a heart found relationship.

Massoud had heard of the story found in Jn. 3. truly a famous scripture. probably more famous to the international students here than the USAmerican students. I met the iranian prof. that is friends with massouds family. He had many good things to say - our talk about different cultures and languages shed light on how truly nationalistic and narrowly focused i am. I need more relationships like the one with massoud. Massoud makes me a better person.

Massoud said "we are all from different countries and places. different religions. but we all have the same heart." he is so right. the people i see on the news, the picture of humanity that is broadcasted is the same humanity as i. i am what they are and they are what i am. human. We are all longing to fill our hearts with truth. with something that will last. An experience that is forever fulfilling. A relationship. A relationship like the one i thing Nicodemus found. a relationship with the risen Jesus.

We all want to know what Nicodemus wanted to know in Jn 3. And the answer was standing right in front of him...

so simple

some guy making a stink about "in God we trust" and other overtly God deals. The christians are getting worked up. christian culture is now busy saving face. forget about that and start loving. Get used to the in your face negativity from the world in reguards to the God's cause and his people. Get over the fact that it makes you mad and start loving. Get over it.