my fotolog

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she's way outnumbered

Arrival

Trey will have me late night blogging again... our first night at home and it feels good. Kerri is recovering well and all Riley wants to do is hold/love/kiss/poke/squeeze... baby Trey. I want nothing more this Christmas than family and Christ's presence. I am a rich man tonight.

Trey Ryan Stetler

last night Kerri's water broke... 12 hours later Trey Ryan entered the world.
8lbs.7oz.
20 3/4 in long
born on 12-16 @ 11:38am

he's beautiful.

dig a little deeper

today's daily dig had some potent material re: advent | future | hope

The expectation of that which is to come is as all-embracing as it is unshakably certain; it cannot be a passive waiting, a sweet, soft occupation with self and one's small circle of like-minded friends. No; true expectation is divine power. It means uniting with the powers of the future. It means an inward merging with the character of the future world. This hope in what is coming brings the assurance that the social justice of the future, the purity of heart and divine fellowship of the future, is effective now wherever Jesus himself holds sway. The expectation of the future means power which is present. -Eberhard Arnold

advent 2c

looking forward to some divine reading with a few friends tonight... passages taken from the lectionary

waiting

kerri is so ready to be done with pregnancy... she "can't wait"... but she has to.
so much like the "time that is coming and that has already come."
so we wait.

cbc

CBC tonight with my hottie wife and friends!

question::

The teachings of Jesus regarding economics posed a new social movement which manifested itself in small communities of faith we now call the early church or early churches. Since Jesus was an "outsider" to mainstream society, his teachings were obviously directed at those "inside" institutionalized economic practices and structures. Many Christian disciples find themselves "inside" institutions concerned with continuity and self-preservation. Stable and predictable financial arrangements are necessary for organizations to continue. Protecting financial self-interest is basic to institutional survival. How, then, do we relate the economic teachings of Jesus, the "outsider," to the issues faced by "insiders" in mainstream organizations, corporations, schools, and churches? Can the teachings of Jesus inform the economic life of modern organizations, without jeopardizing their survival?

Dear Money,

Some are at ease with you,
others feel guilty about having you as their own,
others... ambivalent.
some dread the thought of life without you claiming that you will make life easier than it might otherwise be.
personally I wish I wasn't taking the time to write you at this moment. You don't seem worth the time, but everything around me tells me you are worth something.
yes, Christ spoke of you often. but he did not address you as I do now. I've been trained to have a relationship with you... He never went there.
Christ spoke of the kingdom of God
Christ's currency was people...
I belong to that kingdom
I don't belong to you and you don't belong to me
I don't like your new twenty's and I don't collect your silver state quarters.
I don't NEED you anymore. My focus in liberation not accumulation.
I don't SEEK you anymore. My focus is the kingdom not wealth and comfort.
I don't TRUST you anymore. As one who is economically regenerated, I don't seek financial freedom, I have freedom from finances.
bank accounts and statement balances no longer wag my convictions.. faith wags my wallet.
call me an idiot, call me foolish and naive... I will no longer white nuckle your false security.

open hands, kingdom vision, jubilee.

eric

get it done

today i feel that super-human-administrative-strength that I've not felt for some time...
it almost makes me want to get a haircut and get a real job.
but for now I'm blowing through a do do list... yes that's right, I've written one down and I'm getting things done that have needed attention for sometime now.
well, off to the post office to mail that late telephone bill.
(almost convinced Kerri to forgo the land line and get high speed today... things were going so well and then I tried to push it through to fast and it all came crashing down in a blasted argument about being disconnected from everyone we know without a hm ph # and a new e-mail address. maybe after the move!)

my friend the reincarnated priest

I'm hanging out this evening @ fado's pub with my friend from work. his name is dave. he has quite an interesting slew of spiritual influences :: mostly budhist, some celtic christianity, some catholisism, serious garcia/deadhead worshipper. dude also smokes pot (or herb as he would preferr to call it) on a daily basis. anyway, dave's request::: "let's hang out and talk about Christ."

also get to have some downtime/holiday fun with the entire gang from sbux this eve @ gameworks >> then on to Victorian's with a really excellent fellow to sit at his feat and let wisdom drip from his beard.

better go get all dolled up for a big night on the town.

suffering loss

Recently I have been feeling a great sense of loss in my heart for those who have been a part of our lives (393 rf, tues.nite.comm., bible study, etc.) and had to move away. which is weird because I usually don't miss folk. "out of sight, out of mind" I would always say... I thought it was because I was so incredibly present with who I was with or at least present in the moment. now I don't know about that. I shared my heart, mind and life with these people... something I don't always offer to those friends on the periphery. but these friends were different. Kerri and I only know to pray that God would now send friends to replace the gap that was left.
eventually, we know that our life calling of starting relational communities will leave us on the other end of this sort of equation of feeling... and it has at times. we will be the ones leaving, planting, being sent out... and this will continue. ++Lord bring your grace and prepare us for your work++

ole bag o nails

the best fish and chips i've ever had
fried pickles
and blisters on the roof of my mouth... i'm stuffed.

a female messiah?

I joined my first book club this month...
we're reading The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. There is a lot of information in this fiction that brown claims is factual... if this is the case, I'm learning some very interesting things about Leo, ancient art, the Constitinian rule, radical catholic sects, etc. I found out though that Lewis Perdue who wrote Daughter of God is sueing Brown because his new best seller is very similar to his book. I'm sure this will be an interesting peice of information for those in the book club. turns out that It's a men's fellowship. not like men's prayer breakfast though since i will be the only strait man there. so needless to say, I will be streched through this new venture and will learn much.
so the major premise to the book that I can tell so far is that many people feel as though modern christianity has reduced or eliminated the idea of feminine deity.

also spent some time at an LP gathering this week to listen to what Chris Smith had to say about the early churches following Christ's death from his new book Water, Faith, and Wood. Much of what he shared will be helpful in my discussion of the Da Vinci Code and i know now I must read Chris' new work.

anyway, i found this on Chris Smith's blog today and it will also be key:

Lyrics to Pierce Pettis' song "Miriam", (which is Hebrew for Mary)

No banners were unfurled,
when God stepped into the world,
held in the arms of a little girl named Miriam.

Who would ever believe, the fiancée, the family,
the teenage pregnancy of Miriam?

But laws of nature were suspended,
death sentences rescinded, throughout all the world,
all because of a little girl named Miriam.

Medieval paintings glaring down,
stony figures judge and frown,
wearing a halo like a crown. Could that be Miriam?
Gentile temples’ stained glass swirls,
cherubim with golden curls. Oh! How unlike your Hebrew world, Miriam.

I don’t know if you ascended. I don’t care what’s been amended.
There was one sure miracle: the faith of a little girl named Miriam.

Oh, you are blessed indeed! Blessed is the fruit of your tree,
Yeshua, king of kings, and son of Miriam.

No banners were unfurled
when God stepped into the world,
held in the arms of a little girl named Miriam

part-time

it is quite amazing how much of my week can be eaten up by a 20hr/wk job (lately more like 30). yesterday, as I was making a mess with 15 frappachinos, my friend looked at me and asked - "why do work here again?" as if to say I didn't have to stay there ... she understands that I'm not dependant on that as the center of my life, but as simply a part time job. others who take themselves and their pt job too seriously have a death grip on their employment... it's all they have left. i do enjoy working there. i have fun and have developed relationships with so many people.
with the next shift staring me in the face, it seems as though i give to much to sbux. but it's only when i step back and get perspective on my life that I see a full life balanced with family, friends, play, nature, recreation, learning, and work. it's all kingdom stuff. everything belongs. my friend palmer recently wrote about kingdom vision... with this vision everything is a gift and I live in reality even when circumstances aren't "ideal".

rest for the soul

this past week I spent a few days in spiritual retreat/centering prayer/solitude/wilderness time. i can't even begin to say what a beneficial time that was for me. I truly believe that what I sacrificed in "family time" and ministry presence will pay off in the future with a deeper quality in my time spent with others. sometimes it takes getting away to truly get a glimpse of how disconnected I become from the ones I love.
now, however, it is back to the ordinary and the mundane. the discipline for me now is to not let the supernatural become familiar.

++Abba, I belong to you++

update

some know - some don't that I had a doctor's appointment this past week. It was a meeting with Dr. J, a denominational higher-up. A friend of mine set the appointment the plan was that eric would share the story of his journey up to this point and where he is called. I shared with dr.j that my wife and I have a passion and life calling to start urban missional communities. I hashed out our core values for where we are headed::

>urban neighborhood commitment
>simplicity
>the gospel
>discipleship
>community
>multiplication.

I shared with him what happens in our present community gatherings and that to us it was church. I tried to stay way focused on what we were for and not on what we are against.
I didn't expect him to hear me at all. but he did. he asked forward thinking, missional questions... and saw a glimpse of what we know as the emerging church.
he asked me to present what I shared to another group of higher-ups who hold the keys to the bank. dr. mentioned that this group of men have spent too much money on high-dollar missional endeavors and are ready to look towards something new.
pray for me. I don't know what to say and mostly just want to stay true to our vision.

merton on success

"be anything you like, be madmen, drunks, and bastards of every shape and form, but at all costs avoid one thing: success."

I've been hearing the question more and more these days:: "how is the fruitfulness of your ministy?" I never know how to answer. what could I possibly tell them... and what "ministry" are you referring to? Christ speaks to Kingdom fruit in the parable of the growing seed ::

"This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain--first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come."

organic spiritual discipleship from very small beginnings takes time, patience and longevity. it is found in the ordinary yet not the proper. it cannot be explained, mapped out, graphed, or defined in clean format. it's messy in my eyes because it is full of mystery and paradox >> something that modern man wants nothing to do with. merton:: "Modern man believes he is fruitful and productive when his ego is aggressively affirmed, when he is visibly active, and when his action produces obvious results."

Q. is fruitfulness the new buzzword for success?!?

maybe in some arenas. and to those arenas I affirm that I will not drop out of the pursuit of new disciples. fruitfulness and production have place. my role as servant in the kingdom seeks the fruitfulness of love and grace and seeks to share this within the realm of community. again... merton... "it is the very ground of that simple, unpretentious, fully human activity (ordinary life) by which we quietly earn our daily living and share our experiences with a few intimate friends."

I'm done keeping score. the score doesn't matter to me anymore. I don't have the time. If all I do in life is learn how to succeed in the production of disciples, my life as a kingdom citizen has been wasted. as a kingdom citizen, I relinquish my need to be in control and I trust that I'm part of a much bigger story.

gone for a few

heading back up to bg this weekend.
I'm going to get to hang with the joel and see other friends. it's hard to leave the family... kerri is really cute pregnant and riley is sick... he gets really skin hungry when he is sick and that feels good to a dad.

sunshine

^^first day of fall and it actually feels like it. rare in this midwest climate. it's a cool crisp sunny fall day and I just broke out my favorite fall mug (i'm weird about mugs) to enjoy an enlightening blend of the finest green teas and rare herbs available in this world. {that's what it said on the front of the tea bag and now i just spilled it all over my keyboard. but look it still works- i wonder what was on that floppy

i recieved an e-mail today from angie. angie and i went to the same school {undergrad]. I've heard many good things about angie from shared friends so I know of her and knew that she was part of VC. Yet another quality kingdom citizen that I know of yet do not know. her words::I thought it was cool to find a fellow alum connected in this vast web of folks. I think its cool too. read her stuff

from "With Open Hands" by Henri J.M. Nouwen

And yet you are Christian only so long as you look forward to a new world, so long as you constantly pose critical questions to the society you live in, so long as you emphasize the need of conversion both for yourself and for the world, so long as you in no way let yourself become established in a situaltion of seeming calm, so long as you stay unsatisfied with the status quo and keep saying that a new world is yet to come. You are Christian only when you believe that you have a role to play in the realization of this new kingdom, and when you urge everyone you meet with a holy unrest to make haste so that the promise might soon be fulfilled. So long as you live as a Christian you keep looking for a new order, a new structure, a new life.

+++"wake up o sleeper : seek me and live : a time is coming and has now come : the Kingdom of God is within you"+++

I'm glad I decided not to take myself too seriously today.

haircuts suck

I hate haircuts. every time I come home from a crop chop I look in the mirror too long and play with my hair like I was a girl. i hate that. i wish i could cut my own hair... but I've tried that... and ended up bald. I know what would work... a flobie. you know - the suck cut? cuts it all one length. I saw it on an infomercial as a teen.

anyone out there know where I can get my hands on a flobie?

funny stuff by my friend in bg.

last nights gathering went very well:: good word -:- good conversation -:- good food -:- good movie

My lover spoke and said to me,
"Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, and come with me.
See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
is heard in our land.
The fig tree forms its early fruit;
the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
my beautiful one, come with me."

Song of Solomon 2


+++Lord, thank you for this invitation into the reality of the kingdom. It is here that I see clearer - things fade from black to white - all is a gift - and no-thing is more precious than your presence. I receive your invitation this day through the discipline of meditation+++

met with palmer this morning. i really respect palmer and value his life and mission. we had wonderful conversation that confirmed much of what kerri and i have been dreaming about. and the conversation will continue...

saw my satanic friend today...
usually we run into eachother at work.
it's usually akward.
light vs. dark, etc.
today it happened in barnes&nobels::the christianity section.
yes, I do find myself overthere from time to time...
but I never thought I would see my satanic friend there. i was actually in the autobiography/gay&lesbian section ease-dropping on a gay couple sheepishly looking for material to help them find a deeper sense of identity in their sexual orientation. my satanic friend caught a glimpse of me and tried to pull off the "i didn't really see you standing there" and quickly walk away... but I caught up to her. she even ignored me when i addressed her at first
e: friend
t: what are you doing here?
e: it's my day off ... are you on break?
t: yea
e: what's that book
t: "you are what you think" - i know some of it's contents are from the bible but it's true
e: I've never heard of that passage
t: how do you get away with that being a pastor and all
e: you probably won't find many of us pastor types that are willing to say they haven't got it all figured out.

we finished it off with a short dialogue about how hard it was for her to come over to "this" section and pick the book up when "this" section doesn't represent who she is or what she believes in - and how bold it was for the gay couple to "come out" by viewing homosexual lituature together in public.
then she had to go back to work.
it was interesting to see my satanic friend in the marketplace. to see her seeking and to have the opportunity to talk to her about it was definatly a highlight of my day.
pray for my friend....

brennan manning at mvnu oct.8-9. find me there friend!

this is fun.
Alan Creech lists "Points of Revolution"
> hierarchical leadership
> pulpit/pew Sunday only large meetings
> cold-call revivalist evangelism
> quick-fix altar ministry
> full-time professional pastorate
> programmed, departmentalized "ministry"
> tight, dogmatic faith statements
> extra-biblical life rules
> local ecclesiastical isolationism
> "the church" programmatically trying to spiritually form children

It's good to hear over and over again from those who realize that this isn't a deconstruction of the Bride of Christ. {readmore}

seems as though we may be able to see a second midweek gathering emerge on thrus. night. the best part is that we won't be involved. the church at 393 rockyfork might birth it's first in the near future. I sense that God is moving in this and that we will be turning the corner as a ministry from single cell to multi-cell. we'll see.

back blogging

Much has happened in my life this past week and 1/2. The first half of last week was filled with a church planter's conference where I learned much more about myself than church planting. My old friend Sam Barber was there. Sam is a man of the Word, the Word made flesh, the Word in us and through us... Christ is in and through Sam. Sam has touch the spiritual life of my entire family. Both my brother and I were deeply impacted by his faithfulness. I thought alot about that as we sat together and had many laughs. It made it worth being there. Relationships are what matter ... not graphs and timelines.
The second half of my week was spent traveling... my grandparents made space for Kerri, Riley and I. There at Chautauqua, where I spent most of my summers growing up, I remembered.
remembered family, fishing, sailing, skiing, tubing, swiming, playing. I miss that in my life and wonder why life seems to be taking each and everyone of us by storm to the point where we don't have time. We make choices...but sometimes I wonder if we don't have a choice.

ladies and gentlemen, welcome Peter Kevinson to the world of blogging. we had a wonderful time last eve. discussing the Kingdom of God in relation to jubilee. It went much like this:: what have I been given (the kingdom) what must I give away (the kingdom)...

I'm finding it much harder to remain "holy" as I dive deeper into my culture. Is holiness as a doctrine practical in my world? It seemed much more practical while I would study this doctrine in my soft cushy leather chair. There in my "study" I found it rather easy to formulate hard sayings about a life of holiness to deliver with passion to the Body of Christ. This story helps me::
A brilliant young Jewish scholar had approached a wizened rabbi to ask: "They say I am the holiest of all men. Do you think this is true?"
At first the rabbi refused to answer. But after being badgered by the tenacious scholar, he responded, "You are the most pious man of our age. You study night and day, retired from the world, surrounded by the rows of your books, the holy ark, the faces of devout scholars. You have reached high holiness. How have you reached it? Go down in the marketplace with the rest of the Jews. Endure their work, their strains, their distractions. Mingle in the world, hear the skepticism and irreligion they hear, take the blows they take. Let us see then if you remain the holiest of all men."

I may never return to full time church work - but if I do for some reason (God), I pray that these years in the marketplace develop within me a deep integrity and balanced piety

i read this today in from an essay called Let the Church Be the Church by John Howard Yoder:


"New Testament moral thought begins by facing the fact that we live in a world that most of the time does not listen to all that christians have to say and some of the time will listen to nothing. Recognition of this minority posture calls not for social cynicism or for withdrawal but for a profound intellectual reorientation. Going far beyond the mere statistical awareness that not as many people will show up on sunday morning as used to, this reorientation will move on to the recognition that probably many of those who do attend are not yet committed to orienting their lives around a profound conviction that Jesus Christ is Lord."

I can think of many ways that Mark, Jennifer, and Micah could have spent their last moments together... They could have done what is proper and ordinary to the natural world and withdrew from the world around them. They could have put up the "do not disturb" sign. They could have, but they didn't... they remained true to their mission to the very end of this battle. They share a burden that is a burden of our family... organic incarnational missiology. That is our mission...for life. In John 21:18 Christ tells Peter "I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go."

In honor of Jennifer and her heart for this mission, Mark has made the following announcement: "In lieu of flowers, a special fund has been established for urban mission in Jennifers name. Please send your gifts to BIC Great Lakes Conference PO Box 69 West Milton, OH 45383. The moneys given will be used to equip young leaders to start urban missional communities."

Back from the Worship Service for Jennifer. Wow. What an incredible woman of God! As the service began and loved ones began to tell of the depth of Jennifer, I began to feel the Holy Spirit working in my heart re: my own selfishness. Just this morning, I found myself getting short with my healthy, living, loving, wonderful, selfless wife and all while I was getting ready to attend the memorial of one most hospitable. She made space - it was her calling with Mark. I must make space. Free space not only in our home for friends, but also in my heart for those closest to me.
+++Fogive me Lord for the times when my own wants, desires, and comfort rule me and take Your place in my heart. You are my free space... You are my freedom. You are freedom from self and when I experience you in this way it is the sweetest rest I know.+++

These past couple of days, I have been dealing with the news of Jennifer Palmer's death... what it means for both Mark and Micah. I am going this morning to the worship service in her memory. Kevin Rains said it best "There's something just not right about a young woman in her twenties with an infant son and a husband not being there with them. This world is fucked up. We really do need a Savior... not a celestial repair man that can make a few quick fixes on an OK planet.... No! We need a Savior, a Rescuer, a Hero that can put all things right again. Without One of those we're lost."

self-improvement?
I had a good conversation with a friend at work today about self improvement (his words). I knew I wanted to say something really intelligent about how self-improvement sucks, but I ended up just talking around in circles about how true self improvement has nothing to do with self at all... It in turn focuses on those around us... it is about love for others ... self improvement is love of self. Listening to him talk about his quest for self-better-ment made me sad because I know where he is at - I've been there. A continual self analization of performance on the quest for quality living... it's all crap! We must all escape the humanistic self-help bull that takes us deeper into a morbid introspection of the soul. True freedom comes from the release of what Christ calls "love of neighbor." Or as Oswald Chambers says in My Upmost for His Highest "the ministry of the exterior"
too bad I didn't think about it then but I could have used the excellent advice of tyler durden from Fight Club:: "self improvement is masturbation - maybe self destruction is the answer"
it's late and i need sleep

Get with the De-program (2001-10-18) already... wow, i love this story. these guys rock... I sat in classes with brad who is pictured in the article. find out what God is doing in Cincy with his church.

if i published a cd that told the story of my day it might look like this...

1. just 10 more minutes (i slept in too late)
2. running errands running me (bank/postal/gas)
3. starpoop
4. wally's wacky world a.k.a. insanity
5. domestic disturbance (communication breakdown with Kerri)
6. stood up (no call from friends re: the concert)
7. ear candy (beautiful dialogue over tea with my new friend Trevis)

St. Dominic


(1170-1221)



If he hadn’t taken a trip with his bishop, Dominic would probably have remained within the structure of contemplative life; after the trip, he spent the rest of his life being a contemplative in active apostolic work.

Born in old Castile, Spain, he was trained for the priesthood by a priest-uncle, studied the arts and theology, and became a canon of the cathedral at Osma, where there was an attempt to revive the apostolic common life of the Acts of the Apostles.

On a journey through France with his bishop, he came face to face with the then virulent Albigensian heresy at Languedoc. The Albigensians (Cathari, “the pure”) held to two principles—one good, one evil—in the world. All matter is evil—hence they denied the Incarnation and sacraments. On the same principle they abstained from procreation and took a minimum of food and drink. The inner circle led what must he called a heroic life of purity and asceticism not shared by ordinary followers.

Dominic sensed the need for the Church to combat this heresy, and was commissioned to be part of the preaching crusade against it. He saw immediately why the preaching was not succeeding: the ordinary people admired and followed the ascetical heroes of the Albigenses. Understandably, they were not impressed by the Catholic preachers who traveled with horse and retinues, stayed at the best inns and had servants. Dominic therefore, with three Cistercians, began itinerant preaching according to the gospel ideal. He continued this work for 10 years, being successful with the ordinary people but not with the leaders.

His fellow preachers gradually became a community, and in 1215 he founded a religious house at Toulouse, the beginning of the Order of Preachers (Dominicans).

His ideal, and that of his Order, was to link organically a life with God, study and prayer in all forms, with a ministry of salvation to people by the word of God. His ideal: contemplata tradere: “to pass on the fruits of contemplation” or “to speak only of God or with God. “

Comment:

The Dominican ideal, like that of all religious communities, is for the imitation, not merely the admiration, of the rest of the Church. The effective combining of contemplation and activity is the vocation of truck driver Smith as well as theologian Aquinas. Acquired contemplation is the tranquil abiding in the presence of God, and is an integral part of any full human life. It must be the wellspring of all Christian activity.

The Sopranos - Family Values

brought home a the 2nd season of the Sopranos from the library and since then I've watched almost 10 episodes in 3 days. I'm hooked so for-ge-da-bou-dit ...

very powerful episode (#22) about a near death experience of a Soprano family member... here is the prayer of the family "queen"

Gentle and merciful Lord Jesus, I want to speak now to you with an open heart and honest heart. Tonight I ask you to take my sins and the sins of my family in to your merciful heart. We have chosen this life in full awareness in the consequences of our sins. I know that Christopher's life is in your hands and his fate is your will. I ask you humbly to spare him and if it is your will to spare him, I ask that you deliver him from blindness and grant him vision, and through this vision may he see your love, and gain the strength to carry on in service to your mercy.
In the name of the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

too oft I loose sight of my Belovedness:
Nouwen depicts....
"...I am not so sure anymore that I have a safe home, and I observe other people who seem to be better off than I. I wonder how I can get to where they are. I try hard to please, to achieve success, to be recognized. When I fail, I feel jealous or resentful of these others. When I succeed, I worry that others will be jealous or resentful of me. I become suspicious or defensive and increasingly afraid that I won't get what I so much desire or will lose what I already have. Caught in this tangle of needs and wants, I no longer know my own motivations. I feel victimized by my surroundings and distrustful of what others are doing or saying. Always on my guard, I loose my inner freedom and start dividing the world into those who are for me and those who are against me. I wonder if anyone really cares. I start looking for validations of my distrust. And wherever I go, I see them, and I say: "No one can be trusted." And then I wonder whether anyone ever really loved me. The world around me becomes dark. My heart grows heavy. My body is filled with sorrows. My life soses meaning. I have become a lost soul."

I usually snap out of this downward spiral before depression sets in or at least some "diagnosable" form of depression. But Nouwen is pinpointing the path of those who loose sight of their belovedness in Christ here in the story of the prodigal son. "The further I run from the place where God dwells, the less I am able to hear the voice that calls me beloved."

++Lord if you are not my LIFE, then I am lost... be my LIFE++

blogging in BG
here at grounds for thought . this place is facinating... it is good to be in a real coffee shop. It has changed since I was last here... much more used book space which is always good. Good times with old friends in Bowling Green. Just hung out with the old "band" at Jed's. the sermon went o.k. I found myself not overly concerned with the reception of what I had to say, but more so with the proclaiming of it... I must have sounded like the wild hair prof. who is so ingrained in his material, that he almost looses sight that there are people "out there".... It was liberating... Christ said "he who has ears, let him hear." on to see joel and hear about his euro tour...

audblog audio post

Jesus answered them, "Very truly, I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves."

I'm so guilty when I read this verse...
I'm guilty of letting Christ drift to the edges of my conscousness only to become conveiniently aware when I'm hungry for something he can offer...
I'm guilty of following Christ only for what I might gain...
I'm guilty of making Christ one more spoke on a wheel of divided loyalties...
I'm guilty of {my life + Jesus = my better life}

yet it should look more like [-=+}>gain only through loss

Christ paints a picture of the unseen Kingdom of God yet the people still need a sign...

If Christ is something that happened to me, then my conversion was a historical isolated visible event...
but Christ replies to the people with a very present statement::
I AM
he who comes... he who believes...
my conversion {or shall I say my LIFE} then is very much something that happens to me.

yet we always preferr the "altar lined, 'i can see it' 'sinner's prayer' type conversion...
everybody can see and know about the one time event/ crisis moment in other's lives and our own...
but we aren't so eager to jump into Christ's invitation to conversion now, conversion today, repentance again, and again, and again.

Guide us Lord into this present reality of the Kingdom of God where we are continually realigned and constantly regenerated into your likeness at the table. We recieve your invitation to feast on the riseness of Christ Jesus

::WEEK 18::
skin is vulnerable to finger nails. as baby grows, excess fluid is carried away through cord and placenta. full set of vocal cords can cry...

+++Lord I am reminded as I read updates on Jennifer Palmer's condition that life is so very fragile... I pray heath, life, joy, fullness of peace, and comfort for Jenifer and our new little one+++

good thoughts

strikingly similar to what took place in our livingroom last night:

from a simple church planter in Cinncinatti Oh::

The elements of house church

Last night the key elements of our house church were:

1. Tuna caserole, Green beans, brownies, cookies, red wine 2. Looking at old, very funny pictures of several of our memebers dressed up for a white elephant gift exchange party and the Horner's honeymoon. 3. A new word game called "Groin" that involved the letters of scrabble but not the board... 4. People leaving early for reasons varying from work deadlines, husbands at home, and a trip to Central America

I guess I'm ok with that for one week... I hope God was honored by our playfulness. At least we get to try again next week and the week after that and the .....

spent a wonderful morning on the beach with my family... got some rays on my white-ness

now onto trying to formulate some intelligent things to say re:: John 6 for the folks in BG. Not much flowing right now but it will most likely click late Sat. Night.

recently our house guest of two weeks went back to live with her real family... our friend Mary stayed with us while training to be a montessori school teacher in the short north... our time together was excellent. Mary truly experienced what life was like at the Stetler's (meals/community gatherings/parks/conversation late into the night/movies) she experienced our "rhythm" and graciously recieved our attempts at hospitality while remaining very present through it all. Her husband Lars was also able to come down and he let me drive his new jeep around town topless!..
the whole time together felt right. It felt like hospitality should feel like. Kerri and I know we are doing what we do best together when we are attempting community that way. May there be more opportunities like that to come.

nice:: back to back evenings with friends... celebrating the kingdom of God while enjoying chess, beck, victorians, burgers, conversation, and the eucharist....
after experiencing Christ in that moment with my friends, i realize how small of a box I was placing this means of grace in... the resurrection is bigger than you and me, than time and space, than wine or juice...
it is the ever present reality of the riseness of Christ.

::.WEEK 17.::
11 ounces, 9 in. long. fetus can now hiccup. Kerri begins to feel life. Doc. can hear the heartbeat. thumb sucking is not uncommon...

wow...
just woke up from some deeep rem type sleep. whole lot of foggy stuff in my head....
one of the first things I thought about was the group of friends I would be having over to our house tonight and if there was enough food and if I had told the right people about it and if I should serve communion and ......
also pouting a bit b/c my conscious is telling me that it would be against my better judgement to serve real wine tonight for the eucharist. It will lack a lot of significance for certain folk and either way I look at it, someone will be less inclined to fully "recline" at the Lord's table because of what medium I use as the sybolic blood of Jesus Christ.
using grape juice will save me the trouble of dealing with the s#@* that would hit the fan afterward... (religious type things)
comprimise?
maybe

audblog audio post

looking forward to a beautiful day with my family and then having friends over this evening...

living simply in this moment.... "It comes and goes so fast that we usually miss it altogether" - tilden edward living simply through the day

week 16:: mild teeth buds appear. 1st transparent layer of skin replaces protective membrane. eyelashes present.

Recently I have been reading up on the saint of the day. It is facinating the way that we humans praise and esteem those who do the work of discipleship. Is it "radical" to be a disciple even in most Christian circles? My friend pointed out to me this week that I probably don't get thanked at work for pouring someone coffee because it is the basic part of my job.... so why would I "do" my discipleship to be seen by men and applauded. More and more I am realizing that it is those back stage and unseen that are "doing" discipleship as a member of the kingdom... according to Matt. 6, I probably won't recieve status, position, or office by following kingdom norms.... i probably will never be really big.... the temptation as Nouwen writes in In the Name of Jesus is to be spectacular in the eyes of men... to be relevant/ important to someone or some inst. Christ rejected his share of earthly crowns in the way he lived... insignificance was not the enemy. He did not lust after power, position, or wealth.

Jesus sends us out to be shepherds, and Jesus promises a life in which we increasingly have to stretch out our hands and be led to places where we would rather not go. He asks us to move from a concern for relevance to a life of prayer, from worries about popularity to communal and mutual ministry, and from a leadership built on power to a leadeship in which we critically discern where God is leading us and our people. - Henri Nouwen

week 15:: 6 1/2 inches long and 5 ounces:: hair begins to grow on head/ eyelashes and eyebrows begin.

our midweek gathering had a unique flavor...
scheduled to play at the park with subway in hand but it rained...
so we packed the house out with friends.

we laughed, planned parties (fri. nite @ ryan's > 4th and 20th), and read scripture ( we discussed the teachings of Jesus from Matt. 6. )
and prayed.

continue to pray for the palmer's

some excellent thoughts by coach t.hunter

while cycling yesterday taking in the beauty of nature i was struck with a sudden awareness that 'this land is my land and that this land is your land...' no but really, what's with the same folk who used to stick flowers in their hair and sing this truth backing down on their ideals? now these once "free" individuals have settled for a life of securing a peice of earth for their very own pleasure and enjoyment... where noone else can get in ... with fences 10 ft. tall to keep the world out...

"I watch how foolishly man guards his no-thing...truly God is hated here."
- richard rohr

we had an excellent time tues. night with our friends...
this week had a new surprise to it. friends came back from their honneymoon and we saw faces we hadn't seen in a while. our times are turning into a "third place" offering a place of community for those who seek it.
the need:: community
the ministry:: hospitality.
it felt like cheers...
went something like this::
norm walks casually through front door with out even knocking
crowd yells out -
"NORM!!"
norm grabs a drink, sits down to dinner with friends and enjoys the conversation...
it is a holy part of norms week...
no talk about work, no talk about business...
this is a mini sabbath for norm>> a chance to unwind - be real
a chance to gather with others who are asking the question:: "what does this discipleship thing mean in my life?"

watched brother sun sister moon again yesterday...
i can't get that movie off of my mind. This movie is definatly on my top 10 list... a list that may exceed 10.

at the library to pick up some material i ordered::

some Rodney Clapp, George Hunter, Stanley Hauerwas, Wendell Berry, and Walter Brueggemann

maybe I went a little overboard my last visit...

meeting with eddie today... i am thankful for this man of God that believed in kerri and i enough to let us come to shep naz. i need wisdom for this meeting...
many questions going through my head...

are we ministering to this culture from a distance?
where does my initiative come in as far as starting a church?
I'm at a crossroads.. either i recieve a fresh new vision for what's taking place in Gahanna or we move downtown and begin establishing community with our immediate neighbors there.
was shep naz a landing pad for us to get into the area?
or do I need to get my eyes off of what could be and be present to what God is already doing around me(us)?

eddie won't have all the answers, but it will be good for him to know what I'm thinking...
i think...

bible study last night went well...
there were about 8 of us... good number.

a good step towards reprodution was made, however
katie said that she would like to start having bible study in her home... her parents don't know what to think of the whole thing but they are opening their home anyway. I think this could be a good move... having the party in the home of the newly transformed. She has many friends that are spiritually sick and need a place that is non thretening to ask questions... what better place than in their friends house?

spent some good time today at comfest...good food::good music::good merch::good times

week 13
4 inches long:: 2 ounces. the brain structure is complete - the only development remaining is growth... heart pumps 50 pints of blood a day. facial muscles follow an inherited pattern. pray a prayer of blessing on our new child today

I pulled a scott e. today
invited 4 friends over for dinner without asking my wife first...
oops.
but then there is grace

good show last night//
jack was cooler than I thought origionally...
that's probably why there were so many "cool" people at the show. I found myself wishing that these guys weren't that mainstream - but I guess you can't keep such a good thing down

ever listened to the String Cheese Incident? one of my good friends let me borrow a cd of theirs and now I just picked up "born on the wrong planet" from the library... these guys reinvent what it means to jam.

last night's group was excellent...
we all felt very rich as we sat and enjoyed one another around the shared meal... then to the livingroom... and on into the night. Stories of victory.struggle.pain.sickness.joy.peace. Healing prayers prayed for the sick, wisdom from the word of God, and questions from those brand new to the arena we refer to as the kingdom of God!

headding to the jack johnson/ ben harper concert tonight...
maybe if i'm smart enough to figure it out I will post my first audblog from the pavilion

this experienced blogger just changed templates without saving my old crap and lost many features... i don't know if i have the energy to reformat

good to be back home after two weeks of travel

one week in nashville, IN
extended weekend leading worship for a MVNU event
and camping with old college buddies

I feel quite disconnected with my friends here in columbus ... so it was good to meet with everyone again last night for bible study, food, and encouragement.

we might be moving this sun. night time out of our home to Panera. they have an excellent patio space that never gets used... we are outgrowing our living room and still don't really have takers to begin a new group. but this is a needed change.

I want to move to the city,
many of my friends want to live there too...
why?
Is it because we feel no sense of "place" or community on these
"gruesome, tragic suburban boulevards of commerce, and we're overwhelmed at the fantastic, awesome, stupefying ugliness of absolutely everything in sight -- the fry pits, the big-box stores, the office units, the lube joints, the carpet warehouses, the parking lagoons, the jive plastic townhouse clusters, the uproar of signs, the highway itself clogged with cars -- as though the whole thing had been designed by some diabolical force bent on making human beings miserable?"
anyone else feel this way about your community?

would you pray for my friends the Palmer's

Found this ditty on this Blog and it relates to much of what our group discussed this past wed.
i Love it::
What makes pharisaical sin so dangerous is that it disguises itself as a form of enlightenment. This is what Jesus meant when he said, "If the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!" (Matthew 6:23).

The darkness is great because one is deluded into thinking it is light. You think you are seeing better than anyone else, when, in fact, you can't see at all. This means the idea that you can't see is farthest from you. A blind person knows he is blind. A Pharisee thinks he can see, and this is why the "light" within him is actually darkness. Jesus called the Pharisees "blind guides." "So it is necessary in this darkness we call light to identify our error and get free from our entrapment--exactly the job of all recovery groups. It could even be argued that our churches ought to be more like this. The church should be the most honest place on earth--a place where it is possible to say among friends: "Hi, I'm John, and I'm a Pharisee." John Fischer

12 Steps for Pharisees

It's been a great week.
Working more at starbucks this week and I like how life's rythm feels. less money - more life
Wed. night's gathering was excellent. It's pretty amazing what happens when you open the Word and invite all to participate.

from Matt. 5 we heard the words of Christ on the Kingdom of God.
My friends claim they are leavers of the institutional church because of the hypocricy they see in those at the "show"
we discussed how even Jesus said "don't be like the hypocrite" but it is hard to find anyone to point to because authentic discipleship is always pointing toward God...It is vanishing. Citizens of His kingdom don't attach names with actions and they usually can't be found up front. They are behind the glory of God and HATE the spotlight. What they do is in secret. In fact they don't even let their left hand know what their right hand is doing.

other good news:: Doug moved in last night...
riley is thrilled and so are kerri and I.

Good news -- we may have someone from our community moving in with us this week. who knows for how long, but I don't think it matters right now.

I'm sore. It's a good sore though. Gerald kicked mine yesterday with laying block, mixing mortar, etc. I always wanted to be that guy. When I got home I felt as though I had worked with my hands the way that men may have in more simple societies and days. I should still be o.k. making coffee. I'm looking forward to tonight. Our gathering last week came to a point where those at the party wanted to start forming something more. something that was "theirs." I guess from the beginning I have always longed for a shared meal, the reading of the teachings of Jesus, discussion, and worship yet I never felt right coming in with the adjenda. This week my friends are coming with thoughts on Matt. 5 because they wanted to "bring more to the table." my prayer is that tonight would be serendipitous for all players involved.

well, i think that the blog fast is over. I guess I could say that it was all about the lenton season, but it wasn't much more than a feeling deep down inside that said.."lay off the blog Stet" so I did, now i'm back.

today hasn't been the best of them...
awakened by a phone call from SBUX wanting to know where I was
then having to tell Gerald Barker inc. that no... I won't be there on time because I got my hours wrong at job # 2 or ..#1 or..
then screwing up the electrical system in the basement we are finishing. ( it's the senior p's )

now I'm here at the library and I'm not at home being a good husband and father...
I suck today and God seems distant. Obviously I'm not resting in Abba's embrace and have little solidarity in my belovedness.

On the visible community

Jim Wallis' book formed our discussion last night @ our gathering. People had mixed feelings... what do you think?

“Our need in the rich countries of the northern hemisphere is for a fresh consciousness of conversion. In the midst of social conditions so oppressive to others and to ourselves, we must again turn to Jesus…But first we must examine and honestly face up to the ways our evangelism has been corrupted and our conversion distorted.” – The Call to Conversion , Jim Wallis

Corrupted Evangelism

“Evangelism in our day has largely become a packaged production, a mass-marketed experience in which evangelists strain to answer that question which nobody is asking.”

(I Peter 3:15)

· engages in endless contortions to convince people that they are missing something that Christians have.
· aggressive and gimmicky – methods are reduced to salesmanship and showmanship.
· special activity awkwardly conducted in noisy football stadiums or flashy TV studios,
· behavior management

“Unless accompanied by a clear demonstration of what it means to follow Jesus now, the evangelistic message falls on deaf ears or, even worse, calls people to a conversion empty of real content”

Distorted Conversion

Wallis states that our self-centered culture has produced a self-centered religion. “In other words, the question is how Jesus can help us make it in the present order, not how we can respond to the new order.”

· Presented as a way to help us uncover our human potential – our potential for personal, social, and business success
· Modern conversion brings Jesus into our lives rather than bringing us into his.
· Jesus is here to help us to do better that which we are already doing.
· Jesus doesn’t change our lives, he improves them.
· Conversion is just for ourselves, not for the world.
· We ask how Jesus can fulfill our lives, not how we might serve his kingdom.

Wallis goes on to say that the result of this distorted conversion is “ ‘saved’ individuals who comfortably fit into the old order while the new order goes unannounced.”

I found this quote very interesting from an unsuspected source in the book that I am reading Another World is Possible: Conversations in a time of terror:

"Why of course the people don't want war. Why should some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece? Naturally the common people don't want war: neither in Russia, nor in England, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliment, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."
- Hermann Goering, Hitler's #2 Man

required reading

my wife loved this list::it helped her see that we are not alone-
Here are The Lost 10 Traits of Postmodern Apostles, uncut and unedited:


1. Postmodern Apostles blog a lot. They double as theoblogians.
2. Postmodern Apostles most likely quit or were fired from their last jobs as Pastors (aka Church marketing directors)
3. Postmodern Apostles aren’t afraid to admit they want to go fishing on Sunday Mornings, or watch whatever is on ESPN
4. Postmodern Apostles lost their ties, and the tie rack after their last move.
5. Postmodern Apostles read TheOoze and Ginkworld and don’t delete their Internet Explorer Histories anymore.
6. Postmodern Apostles quit locking up the R Movies from the Kids and actually started explaining to them what the movies were about.
7. Postmodern Apostles used to Powerpoint, but since have joined Powerpointers Annonymous.
8. Postmodern Apostles used to make more at That Other Church, Inc. But that’s ok.
9. Postmodern Apostles cancelled their subscriptions to Christianity Today without the fear that they were losing their salvation, or going straight to hell without passing Go.
10. Postmodern Apostles drink beer, just like they used to, but now they don’t hide it when they bump into That Other Pastor in the checkout aisle at the grocery store.
posted by iggie

"Jesus’ program of discipleship was simple. Hang out with the disciples; let them see you at your best and worst; spend lots of time alone; teach truths none of your disciples can grasp at the moment; avoid crowds; go slowly; spend hours in solitude; don’t worry about opposition; ignore criticism; and don’t expect immediate results."
- mike yaconelli

I have lived the first 25 yrs of my life a beardless man...
to celebrate my birthday this year I quit resisting the stubble
we'll see how far this goes.

fresh page... new day...
all out of words/thoughts/ideas/activities

going to try to stay out of the way this wknd in worship...Cadillac MI::sounds fancy.
maybe I'll preach some name it and claim it... jk
pray that E doesn't break his leg on the slopes.
i'll miss kerri and riley

a good friend of mine wrote me a beautiful e.mail... she writes::

Right now the only thing I am interested in is seeking His face. His presence is where I belong. I'm not satisfied with what I used to be satisfied with. Man made organized Christianity is no longer a part of my Christian life. It never will be again. I am ruined for the presence of God. Nothing else will do. ( You may think that sounds idealistic or maybe even judgmental.) How can I ignore the drawing of the Holy Spirit into a different place with Jesus. Especially for the acceptable, people pleasing, traditional way of living the Christian life. We would be denying the Holy Spirit access. Without the Holy Spirit, my life is not worth spit! Why would I not follow Him?
The vale has been ripped into. I have not been denied access to Him. Why would I deny Him access. I need to let Him have his way with me. I'm abandoned to Captain of the mighty host of heaven (words to an old song). It's a process isn't it?
I'm not talking about forsaking the gathering of the saints. We gather with saints. We have fellowship. But! Things are not the same. I hope I am making sense.

these thoughts are safe with me... they ring true in my ears and make plenty of sense...

on the gathering of the saint's... who are the saint's. my thinking is that these are those who are citizens of a new order.. a new Kingdom...these people are Christians before they are Americans...Disciples of Christ before Nazarene or Baptist or whatever.

I also want to gather for true biblical fellowship with these people... those who are chosing the path of greatest resistance not the least...those who live upside down and backward and we all like it that way... those who are peculiar to the world around them because they are somewhat altogether different and alternative.

friends thought :: "How can I ignore the drawing of the Holy Spirit into a different place with Jesus." different is needed.
The filling of the Holy Spirit through the continual repentance of the
disciple is what leads us to this inner restlessness. "why would I not follow Him?"

someone once said that if your 20 and your not a liberal...you have no heart -- and if when you're 40 you're not a conservitave...you have no brain. well i say that Jesus never even made it to 40. He was so liberal with love that it got him killed on a cross... and that cross IS the Kingdom of God.
stupid love...upside down living... radical obedience... it can't be a phase. I won't give in -- I won't "grow up"

{riley's thoughts on dealing with the funk)
ilk.u;j`p[edikehnkiszeshnjs edijn;sz xrezrgdzrr

I have been learning a lot about eric these days as I engage in the mundane tasks of my PT jobs. Henri Nouwen writes of nepsis:: the control of thoughts. I wrestle with this discipline as I work. remaining in the spirit...praying continuously...pure in thought/motive...these things are not natural. I am bent and prone to wander.
>even in my disscussions with other partners, my mind is naturally pulled back to what's going on in e world. will i ever natually pay attention to the needs of others ... clearly hearing their cry for inner peace and community and responding in compassionate ways...pay attention.

had to change comment link b/c haloscan sucks

new lingo:: shout outs

riley is sick...prayers coveted.

get to hang out tonight with my friends tonight in community...
these folks are potential leaders of their own Kingdom communities...they just don't know it yet. If I labeled them in anyway as "potential" or prostituted our time together by giving it that sort of adjenda, they would split.
I can't wait to get out of the way... leadership must be laity ... once clergy (or staff) always clergy. I try hard, but I still percieve my presence in the group is more of a hindrance than a help.
next hard thing... how to reproduce. will this reproduce fast or slow...
it will most likely be slow...vine...branches...bricks and mortar...deep roots.

sbux is kicking my *#@
I closed last night and open this morn.
had a great conversation with my manager cole re:: her boyfriends parents and their religious behavior...
sounds like they tied some things to the gospel and tried to hand it off to their kids and to Cole and they didn't bite. in fact they ran...
behavior management religion....
good girl bad boy religion...
stuff they said to cole in the name of Jesus was quite rediculous - ill informed - and damaging.
I tried to offer grace, to distance who eric is from who they are.
I tried to show compassion... best thing that happened was that I paid attention.
I hope I showed her that I needed God yesterday more than she did

blessed are the poor in spirit
Chambers calls it the bedrock of the Kingdom...
this is Jesus' opening statement of the Sermon on the Mount
calling for an upside down Kingdom...new set of rules
If you want to follow me, you must be poverse in spirit...strong in no way.
If you want to be a sojourner, you have to lay down some crap that you think you need.
the journey of a pilgrim is that of a minimalist. I must ask myself... is what I'm carrying weighing me down?
Does it make me feel strong on my own?
Is this action, possession, trait upside down? Is it backwards in the eyes of the dominant culture?
If the gate is this narrow... how do i pass through with this stuff, with this pride, with this arrogance?
strip me Lord! Prepare me for the journey... I must have my hands free... i must be free...i must be free to simply be.

one of our friends from our tues. night meetings told Kerri and I (with no coaxing from us) that it was her "church." after we finished jumping around like little kids...we thanked God for new wineskins.

looks like the book Heal Thyself: Spirituality, Medicine, and the Distortion of Chirstianity is a great followup to the Prayer of Jabez. I've witnessed first hand in recent months the damage done by self-interested individualistic theology based off of books like the POJ. One more to put on the reading list.

last night was good...our friends showed up and prepared a meal in our kitchen... they wanted to serve us. We recieved their gift and then shared in a beautiful dialogue from our hearts about our hearts. It was a smaller group...but smaller proved to be better.

a good friend of mine once wrote:: I don't think communion is a ritual. I don't take it when it's treated like one. I believe I will be held accountable for it, if I did.
last Sunday I was asked to help serve the eucharist in the "big room" and i felt trapped. The pastor started in with the prayer that one could repeat if one needed to be cleased from all unrighteousness in order to worthily partake in this most sacred ritual. seriously off base here...
This is stuff that men of faith started revolutions over... new language has been formed, new movements were established over the misuse of the sacraments.
we were not invited to the table... Jesus' presence was not recognized by the administrator... the hurting were not restored... the broken were not offered healing... new life was not offered to those who needed Grace. As sad as it may seem... Christ seemed to be very far from our act of "rememberance."

every night this week is filled with ministry. It doesn't seem to be so hectic because most of the engagements have not been planned out and strategically organized... they just happen. My friends appreciate that. it's not another church event that they have to think of reasons to miss.

still reading through the politics of Jesus
there is so much new light in this little gem.
running into plenty of theologicall assumptions that I carried as a result of not thinking for myself.
am i a republican...democrat...conservative...liberal...am i all of these things .... am i any of these things?
not to make yet another ass - umption out of myself, but maybe as a follower of Christ and as his "apprentice," I am a citizen of a new order. totally other from the worlds dominant perceptions.
There is no news channel that I can identify with...I'm not a CNNer or a FOX news dude...
I cannot align myself and my socioeconomic viewpoint solely with the views of O'Riley or Rush or Hannity and Colms or Jerry Falwell... I hear people in the church talk this way. my worldviews should come from the life Christ lived...
"so eric, what do you think of our christian president and his action plan?"
i don't know for sure where he's at with everything that's going on but let's sit down together... i think my viewpoint is going to have to come from somewhere in the Sermon on the Mount...

very good news::
tracey (satanic friend) and i opened together at sbux yesterday and we found a common passion.....
making fun of the dominant culture of americano christianity...
thank you lord. huge breakthrough for me.

this article was sent to me at just the right time.
it gives me a label put on what is happening on tues. nights for those who question the work as deconstructive and dangerous.

I am sitting next to ryan hofacre at the library... we ran into eachother here. my partner in Kingdom work. I thank God for ryan... he's waiting... on a sabbatical and enjoying it. It was easy to see God's hand at work when I walked in and saw Ryan.
i know that it was a "God thing" but I hesitate to call it that because at this very moment God is doing His "thing" all around me... and by my (our/thechristianculture) stating that something is a "God thing"... I (we) admit that there is a lack of awareness of the "Kingdom Come" and am (are) very far from ever living in the realtime presence of the riseness of Jesus Christ.

Wow ... good review on the book that my sis Rachel bought me called Younger Evangilicals.

A must read here

picked up Bonhoeffer's Cost of Discipleship today. couldn't help it... the lecionary is all about What Disciples Are Made Of
more on the visible community later...

More Reality...

Saturday::James came to visit - we laughed and dreamed together, shared a meal at Betty's and then spent some time at the coffee table. decided then to try and look up his old friend, which led us to another old friend. The whole eve. seemed rather orchestrated by a larger reality.
Last night we had a gathering of these friends in our home. new and old...
It was amazing. we shared spagetti and laughed re:: old times. but then.. then it happened... then we got naked! yeah that's right >> we tore off every last bit of false identity and bore ourselved infront of each other...
We saw eachothers scars, hurts, pain, and lonliness. We all longed for one thing... community. we just kept sharing from the center of our beings and felt as if we could have stayed all night. We thought we knew eachother. turns out we were just friendly strangers.
The party is at Doug's next week. place called Milo. I love it there. it could be the Manor. more on the Manor later.

Rhetoric to Reality
talked with Greg today about this whole movement to mission deal in eric's personal life... we agreed on one thing::a lot of what was only rhetoric in the begining is now becoming reality. I needed to hear this from a mentor. I've been listening to lies from the enemy that I am playing games...but no games... this is real. real lives. real stories. real cosmic conflict. it is light vs. dark. and I'm right smack dab in the middle of it...and I like it here.

meditated today on this:: "the light shines in the darkness > but the darkness does not overcome it"
This world is messed up... thick with sin. I was never one for Calvins thoughts on Total Depravity but today they click with me.
Check this out:: "the heart is so steeped in the poison of sin, that it can breath out nothing but a loathsome stench." That stench seemed to be rather potent today at work. BACK BITTING; FOULNESS; IMPURITY; LIGHTHEARTED PERVERSION; HYPOCRISY; DECIETFULNESS; EVEN WITCHCRAFT. In the very next breath i could agree that these were seemingly good people. Calvin goes on "But here it ought to accur to us that amid this corruption of nature there is some place for God's grace; not such grace as to cleanse it, but to restrain it inwardly....but if some men occasionally make a show of good, their minds nevertheless ever remain enveloped in hypocrisy and decietful craft, and their hearts bound by inner perversity"

yet in the wesleyan tradition I can hope in the thoughts of prevenient grace. this grace comprises "all the drawings of the Father - the desires after God, which if we yield to them, increase more and more." and this grace implies "some tendency toward life; some degree of salvation; the beginning of a deliverance from a blind, unfeeling heart, quite insensible of God and things of God." Wesley's Works 6:44

this writings of Wesley on God's work in the life of the natural man encourage me on days like this. all I can see with my eyes and feel with my heart is what Calvin writes about ... what i hope in is what Wesley speaks of. And what gives me the best perspective is my own journey and that I still need a savior. I still need God. I still need repentance, grace, and more grace.

good day at work. gerald and I are finishing up in two ladies basement. they live in a gigantic house in new albany and now they just have to have that extra space downstairs. It was a quick two days...not much said and that's ok. My work ethic seems to be improving. working harder with less mental breaks. my body will keep going if i am present to the task. also landed three paid gigs in the past week. blast 2003, an emaus retreat in michigan, and a youth revival at shep naz ... really excited about the first two. i need more of these opportunities to arise. thank you Lord for these three.

homo unis libri
John Wesley publilshed approximately six hundred works on various themes, yet he still resolved to be homo unis libri "a man of one book." He Exclaimes, "O give me that book! at any price, give me the book of God!....Here is knowledge enough for me.
I want to be that committed to the centrality and authority of scripture. Last nights home group went very well. We practiced Lecio Divina. The raw word of God. No overexplaining, no prefabricated exegisis, no predetermined application for those recieving. One recipient told me afterward that the raw reading of the powerful word of God was just what she needed. Praise God!
don't know if my college professors would have considered it exegetical justice to the word of God and they have a place saying that ... but I think the mysterious proclamation of the Word is over due in our evangelical traditions. We pastors tend to overexplain scriptures that we know little about just because we feel we should have insight into the mysteries of God. What's that one verse about using the foolish to shame the wise? maybe we should leave the exegesis up to the fools.

i got called out this morn... too much time on the internet... I am somewhat addicted. This is my community in some sence. I read posts by kids who feel what I feel, think what i think and read what I read...
I do need to be more present with my family when I am home and tonight I did just that. Riley and i just hung out, wrestled, laughed and played... and then to bed. songs::books::hugs::kisses. it felt good and I knew what I was participating in was holy. God was with us. God is in Riley! I love that kid

had a good meeting with palmer yesterday. this was surely a gift to me. I left with a feeling of gratitude for the time I was able to share with this cat. His work is so underground/backstage/peculiar... i likee...

what can e.william learn from the life of Menno Simons | Chasing Hats Magazine

I can't believe I am reading this in "The Younger Evangelicals" by Robert Webber right after Scott and I dialogued about it. He saw four fold worship being practiced by a ancient future community while on sabattical.

Webber states that the four fold worship interprets worship to be an unfolding of the narrative of God's story and is expressed in four movements.
First, the people gather. This is the theological act in which the church is actualized and brought into being. Second, the church hears the story of God in Scripture readings, the Psalms, and the sermon. Third, the churhc responds with praise and thanksgiving at the table, enacting God's redeeming story with bread and wine. Finally, the community of God goes forth, empowered by the Spirit to be a living member of God's story in the world.

Traditional Evangelicals::Threefold:sing, preach, invite
Pragmatic Evangelicals::Twofold:music set and preaching
Younger Evangelicals::Fourfold:narrative of gathering, hearing the Word, Communion, dismissal

lot of good things from my meeting with scott last night:

4fold worship using lecionary texts

enter to worship: OT Scripture "thanks be to God"

we hear the word: epistle

we give thanks: psalm eucharist/ offering

we leave to serve: Gospel passage "praise to you lord Christ"

Could use this somehow for simple church using lecio divina and a simple homily following the reading of the word in the second move of worship.

just some thoughts>>it all seems very reproducable

fromReal Spirituality
good article!!!
something I need to be mindfull of::
The pursuit of holiness, Paul argues, is our real service of worship. Real worship is not participation in a religious ceremony whereby the worshippers close their eyes to reality and enter into a transcendent state of consciousness. These truths ought to determine how Christians think about worship. If I participate in a religious service or discipline--be it prayer, a quiet time, Bible study, or attending church--and I consciously or unconsciously use that discipline to close my eyes to the truth about God, about myself, or about the world, then that discipline is not of God--no matter how "spiritual" it may appear. According to Paul, closing our eyes to the material world and discomfort of our moral and physical limitedness is not spirituality. Striving after moral purity in the midst of our fallenness is.

i am very excited about an opportunity to start conversations with internationals again. a friend here in columbus helps at the ifi office at osu. hof and i are going together tomorrow night to meet up with new friends and to share our stories.

Last night we had our first home group. it went very well. it was good to see ages ranging from 22 to 42. Jesus was there. I think that it stunned some folks but I am confident that they will return. I spent a good portion of our time together trying to paint a picture of what our times together will consist of. i told them that they could still bail if they wanted to after this first week. made some disclaimers and let them know they didn't have to come back if they didn't think they would jive in this sort of environmnet. Jesus was the same way with his 'potential' disciples' in Luke 14:26 ... he said "hey, if you don't hate your own life....your possessions, your status, your relationships, even your family...in comparison to how much you love me... you cannot be my disciples." --so not seeker friendly.

John Wesley's "Covenant Prayer"
"I am no longer my own, but Yours.
Put me to what You will,
Rank me with whoever You will.
Put me to doing...
Put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for You,
Or laid aside for You.
Exalted for You, or
Brought low for You.
Let me be full -
Let me be empty.
Let me have all things,
Let me have nothing!
And now, O Father,
You are mine and I am Yours.
So be it.
And the covenant I am making on earth,
Let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen.

still dealing lately with the move from relevance to prayer...
Henri Nouwen makes it sound somewhat glamourous in "In The Name of Jesus"
open and vulnerable and I've been taking some hits lately at work (sbux)
my friend who doesn't love Jesus is an angry kid who doesn't know what to do with all her newfound power (shift-sup.) --comes down pretty hard on me. she's 21. she's in darkness.
I need grace. I need love - the agape kind::aka::stupid love for my friend

Lord,
make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is descord, union.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; To be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we recieve;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen
-St. Francis of Asissi

starting a class this month to kick off our new ministry. one thing I'm struggling with: an age specification. do I lay it down when casting the vision for this thing. This is where i think i'm going for now - a class for the young at heart - Gen. Douglas MacArthur wrote:
"Youth is not entirely a time of life; it is a state of mind. Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years. People grow old by deserting their ideals. You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair."

The class...

Radical Discipleship [-=+] Living Out Your Faith in a Postmodern World
::a journey inward :: a journey outward :: a journey together::

>>Goals of the class

-Those who are part of this class will be taught how to be serious disciples (apprentices) of Jesus, as we represent Him to those around us (2 Corinthians 5:20). Making "disciples" (as Jesus called it in Matthew 28:19) will be the primary ultimate goal.

-Those who are part of this class will serve each other so that we experience true community (Acts 2:42-47; John 13:34-35). We will be passionate about helping people discover how God desires each to have a very valuable part of being in the "body of Christ" (the church- 1 Corinthians 12:27). One may be asked to bring something to share:: a friends story, a loaf of bread for communion, a poem or piece of art.

-Those in the class will learn to have our hearts break for those who have not yet experienced the love and grace of God and joy of knowing and following Jesus (2 Peter 3:9). We will try and learn to see people and love people as Jesus did (Matthew 9:35-38).

-Those in the class will have a heart for being involved in our local community and in activities that express the love of God outside of our internal church activities and church events.

now i'm staring at the screen trying to think of something profound to post just so I don't have to enter one more line in Quicken... right now I'm on Oct. 4th's transactions...

I'm supposed to be doing finances right now and I can't stop blogging

what's your trash guy's story?
my friend Gerald was telling me of his trash guy's story the other day. His wife has cancer and he has three kids at home to feed...money is tight. How did he know his story...Gerald asked - every so often, Gerald meets him at the curb, helps him with the load and then buys him lunch.
this is the manifestation of the love of Christ in our present reality. a window into the Kingdom of God
this is stupid love

My new friend Palmer got a great write up in the ooze about his church plant in the Short North called the Landing Place

The church's business is not to maintain freedom or to promote wealth or to help a political party or to serve as the moral guide to culture. The church's mission is to be the presence of the Kingdom. ... The church's mission is to show the world what it looks like when a community of people live under the reign of God. - Robert Webber in The Younger Evangelicals.

somedays I wonder if I should be a mennonite

What should I do with my life?
Of course, addressing the question, What should I do with my life? isn't just a productivity issue: It's a moral imperative. It's how we hold ourselves accountable to the opportunity we're given. Most of us are blessed with the ultimate privilege: We get to be true to our individual nature. Our economy is so vast that we don't have to grind it out forever at jobs we hate. For the most part, we get to choose. That choice isn't about a career search so much as an identity quest. Asking The Question aspires to end the conflict between who you are and what you do. There is nothing more brave than filtering out the chatter that tells you to be someone you're not. There is nothing more genuine than breaking away from the chorus to learn the sound of your own voice. Asking The Question is nothing short of an act of courage: It requires a level of commitment and clarity that is almost foreign to our working lives.

it happened the other day...
i was pulling shots for a drink and she was steaming milk
..."are you a christian....cuz i am too"

Praise God.