Opinions

I do have my opinionated days, but then there are other days when I can hardly form one.  More the later than the former I suppose.  My family and closest friends may disagree.  They may not have accurate information on this. At times I can fool myself (and those around me) into thinking I have opinions just because I'm expected to have one.  I can enter into serious discourse on why one option is better than the other all while never really holding on to what it is I'm defending.  Immediately following the discourse, I walk away empty handed feeling no emotional connection to what I have just preached about. And the truth is: I really don't give a shit. Why do I do this? It seems to take place after someone around me has reacted verbally to a certain stimulus with their opinion.  Following this, there is an awkward pause that begs for a "yeah" or a "well, maybe.."  and I give in.  Maybe people who react verbally to stimuli with opinions don't require a response, but I tend to give one.  We are expected to CARE about some things, and I do. Just not about EVERYTHING.  I grow weary of opinions.  I prefer observations.  

Here is an opionion:  Opinions are ok, but too often we Re.Act with an opinion rather than Observe and formulate good thoughts.

Making the best choice

To make the BEST choice.  The context of my choices are numerous: parenting, social life, free time, chores, spiritual, personal development, professional development, dietary, physical, financial, marital, to create or consume, to teach or to learn, to work or to rest. At the climax of decision making it becomes clear just how many of the above realities are involved in the process. We hold ourselves to incredibly high standards in each context.  Or at least I do.  In choosing what is best in one, we sacrifice what is best in four others. One could ask themselves a hundred questions in search of an answer to "what's best" and still be paralyzed. Am i naive enough to believe there actually is a best choice?  Oddly enough,  I have felt peace with decisions I have made in the past.  In light of all that was at stake, I question if I was making certain choices with the "whole" in mind. The task before me is to see my life as it "is" or "is becoming" rather than how it should be and to find to find contentment there. I find the greatest freedom in decision making when I make them from the "center" of my being rather than the circumference of outward demands and expectations. Yet, in light of all of this, I still feel a strong expectation (one placed there by myself)  to be able to quickly choose what is best. ... and it makes me tired.

Clean up

Excersise in awareness: What mess did the mindless activities of the day leave behind? Take a day to leave the mess behind you and then return to it the next morning. I find that I am quicker to "clean up" after my thoughtless habitual activities.

Acting vs Re-acting

Am I aware of when I am re.acting rather than acting out of my intention? Kerri and I had a good discussion yesterday about acting verses re.acting when parenting. Fortunately, as a result of having wonderful parents ourselves, we have been given much (namely Christ). That overflows somewhat naturally into who we are as parents. Yet even when we are at our best we still find that we fall short when we simply react to how a a child's actions make us feel. Kerri mentioned to me that she has been meditating on the Fruits of the Spirit and that her actions seem directed and guided by the Spirit as a result. Our own awareness is heightened when parenting in front of others. This week we are on vacation with Kerri's parents. On one occasion I found myself in the middle of "knee jerk reaction" parenting. Evan was upset because things weren't as they should be in his world. I got angry and quickly and firmly scolded him rather than talking through why he was upset and helping him to grow in his awareness of other peoples needs/wants around him. My own irritability trumped his and I won because I had power over him. Kerri's parent's overheard it and asked me about it. I doubt that in the privacy of my own home I would have given this a second thought. Yet in community I was challenged to BE my intention .