with intention

i didn't get picked up for work this morning and I was somewhat relieved.
Good talk with eddie yesterday. his thoughts:: rest until January. my thoughts:: I'll try.
my temptation is to be relevant. to have purpose and place in the eyes of the people here at shepherd ... one that by all means earns his keep and is worth the investment. (even though the investment is minimal) I felt that was happening in BG. Henri Nouwen delt with this in his transition:
"not being able to use any of the skills that had proved so practical in the past was a real source of anxiety. I was suddenly faced with my naked self, open for affirmations and rejections, hugs and punches, smiles and tears, all dependent simply on how I was perceived at the moment. In a way, it seemed as though I was starting my life all over again. Relationships, connections, reputations could no longer be counted on."
I am learning to let go of my 'relevant self' - the self that can do things, show things, prove things, build things...
just me
i am not...but i know "I AM"